Joy Loves Company: Rewriting the Story From Trauma to Transformation

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“They told me my whole life that misery loves company. But joy is a much better friend. So I pick joy—and joy loves company.”— Dr. Bruce Purnell.
This Week on Butterfly Mondays: We shift our cultural narrative from trauma to transformation, learning to embrace joy as a lifestyle, not just a fleeting moment.
Together, we will:
• Explore why joy represents the new healing frequency
• Reframe the belief that joy is fragile or rare.
• Create a Joy Language Makeover
• Take the Joy Loves Company Quiz.
• Reclaim joy as our birthright and our blueprint.
Because joy doesn’t merely visit; it exists, expands, and enjoys company.
We were raised in a culture where misery loves company was a buzzword and phrase that we learned early, where bonding meant comparing trauma, where joy felt suspicious, and where peace felt like a setup. But what if we were never meant to stay in survival? What if joy was supposed to be our emotional home address, not a vacation spot? Joy is not the absence of trauma; it’s the decision not to be defined by it.
This week at Butterfly Mondays, we’ll explore:
• How to Reclaim Joy as the Core of Our Healing
• Why changing the language is crucial to transforming the culture
• And how joy doesn’t wait for permission; it waits for us to believe.
Joy isn’t selfish. It’s sacred, and joy loves company. Let’s walk this journey together.
We are becoming the “social architects” who will design our healing and transformation.
Let’s affirm and manifest our divine cocoons together. #WeAreTheButterflyEffect
Take the Joy Loves Company Quiz https://welovemore.typeform.com/JoyLovesCompany
Subscribe to the Blog: https://welovemoredrbruce.com/
The Flame That Does not Burn Out
I am not loud, but I sing when you dance,
I live in a glance, in a touch, in a chance.
I stay when the storm has long left the room,
And cradle your soul in the softest cocoon.
You’ve called me a whisper, a flicker, a spark
But I’ve stayed through your silence, your seasons, your dark.
I don’t need permission, I don’t need a name,
But when you align, I light up your flame.
What am I?
The Myth That Joy Is Fragile:
Misery Loves Company, but Joy Builds Community
“They told me my entire life that misery loves company. But joy is a much better friend. So I pick joy—and joy loves company.”— Dr. Bruce Purnell
This quote isn’t just a clever inversion; it’s a foundational truth for transformation. From a young age, many of us are taught, either directly or through repetition, that misery is the baseline of community, that hardship connects us, that survival unites us, and that trauma is normal. (“Life Be Lifing)”
“Misery loves company” is a cultural affirmation of our collective woundedness.
It becomes the default mantra for how we relate:
• Through pain narratives instead of purpose narratives
• Through trauma bonding rather than truth sharing
• By exercising caution rather than curiosity
Misery becomes not just a feeling; it becomes a culture. A way of being. A social contract.
So when someone says “choose joy,” it often sounds unrealistic, dismissive, and even unsafe. However, joy, when rooted in community, lived authentically, and chosen intentionally, can become our new cultural norm, a channel change, and a station turn.
In many of our healing conversations, joy is often whispered, if mentioned at all.
We talk about trauma, anxiety, burnout, grief, and survival. This is for good reason; trauma receives more attention because it is real, raw, and urgent. However, too often, we treat joy like a luxury: something that visits for a moment but never stays, something rare, fragile, and even dangerous to hope for. But what if that is not true? What if joy is not a result of healing, but the very path itself?
The Language of Misery vs. the Language of Joy
The language we speak reinforces the reality we create, and in many trauma-affected communities, the language of misery has become:
• Acceptable
• Relatable
• Institutionalized
Phrases like:
• “If it ain’t one thing, it is another.”
• “I am tired.”
• “We have been through worse.”
• “You cannot trust anybody.”
These are not merely passing statements. They are programming, and they reinforce the illusion that trauma is permanent and that it is our only point of connection.
The Cultural Shift: Reclaiming Joy as Language
Dr. Purnell’s reversal—“Joy loves company”—is more than just a feel-good phrase.
It presents a radical, healing reframe that states:
• We do not have to bond through misery
• We can gather in joy, build in joy, and thrive in joy.
• We can transform the emotional environment of our families, communities, and spaces.
Joy is not escapism. Joy is spiritual realism. It is choosing a frequency that empowers us to create what trauma claimed was impossible.
Why This Language Shift Matters: Real-World Implications
In Education
– Classrooms rooted in “discipline” produce fear.
– Classrooms rooted in joyful engagement foster curiosity and trust.
In Relationships
– Couples who focus solely on the language of wounds become trapped in cycles.
– Couples who develop a shared vocabulary of joy (play, gratitude, awe) enhance their strength.
In Healing Spaces
– Therapy models that focus on diagnosis can reinforce a sense of brokenness.
– Joy-centered healing empowers a sense of wholeness before it is “earned.”
In Community
– Neighborhoods built on trauma narratives replicate survival mode.
– Communities rooted in joy practices (rituals, celebrations, shared play) begin to reclaim their legacy, imagination, and agency.
We are committed to redefining joy as a powerful energy that is not fragile, with the understanding that misery is often louder and more heavily promoted. Healing requires us to change our language; otherwise, we will learn to express grief in a more refined manner. Choosing joy as our cultural norm is not just a personal act; it is a communal blueprint for rebirth.
Joy Is the Journey, Not the Aftermath
In a trauma-centered society, joy is treated as a reward and something received after enduring pain. However, in a healing-centered culture, joy becomes the journey itself.
This is not merely wordplay; it represents a narrative shift with profound psychological and cultural implications.
Narrative Identity Theory & The Weight of the Story
Narrative Identity Theory (McAdams, 2001) teaches us that human beings are storytelling creatures. We do not just live life; we explain life, and that explanation becomes our identity. We become the stories we repeat. We believe the narratives we survive, and we build lives around what those stories say is possible. When we adopt trauma as the center of our narrative:
• We expect betrayal
• We normalize fear
• We brace for loss
• We confuse Love with survival strategies
The more our story is told through media, music, memory, and even family, the more it establishes itself as a cultural identity. Moreover, when an identity is shaped by trauma, we no longer question its symptoms; we normalize them.
How Language Becomes Culture
Language is the seed of culture. What we say becomes what we believe, and what we believe becomes what we build. If we speak:
• “It is always something.”
• “That is just how we are.”
• “Life Be Lifing.”
• “Love always hurts.”
Then what we create is a culture where:
• Exhaustion = pride
• Vigilance = wisdom
• Conflict = connection
• Drama = normalcy
We cease to recognize survival mode as a form of dysregulation and begin to refer to it as a character trait.
In this culture, fight, flight, freeze, and fawn don’t appear as trauma responses; they resemble personality traits. Moreover, no one recognizes that anything is wrong because everyone participates in the same dance.
Healing as a Narrative Disruption
When healing enters, it does not erase trauma; it rewrites the narrative surrounding it.
• Instead of “this always happens to me,” we say “I now know what to avoid.”
• Instead of “I am too broken to love,” we say, “I now know what I deserve.”
• Instead of “we stay struggling,” we say “we are learning how to rest.”
This is what we call “Changing the Channel” and “Turning the Station.” It’s not denial; it is narrative recalibration. We stop broadcasting trauma as the dominant frequency and start tuning in to the sound of Love, Light, Joy, Hope, Peace, Purpose, Liberation, Forgiveness, and Transformation
Joy as the Cultural Norm
We do not say:
• Trauma will not happen again.
• Life will be free of pain.
• We must pretend to be happy.
We are saying:
Trauma will no longer serve as our emotional home address.
Joy becomes the new default frequency.
Not as fantasy, but as a cultural norm.
The Difference: Living With Trauma vs. Living From It
Living From Trauma Living With Healing
Living From Trauma defines identity, and Living With Healing Integrates experience.
Living From Trauma assumes re-injury, and Living With Healing assumes recovery.
Living From Trauma bonds through pain, and Living With Healing bonds through love and peace.
Living From Trauma distrusts joy, and Living With Healing protects joy.
Living From Trauma normalizes stress, and Living With Healing normalizes rest.
Examples of Joy as the New Norm
• In Schools: Instead of centering trauma stories, students are asked what brought them joy this week. Emotional literacy encompasses not only dysregulation but also delight.
• In Relationships: Couples do not just work through problems; they cultivate shared joy rituals, such as play, gratitude, and sacred time.
• In Communities: Healing circles include celebration. Families learn to process pain, but also pause to name what is going well.
We are not creating a world that denies trauma. We are creating a world in which trauma is no longer anticipated. Joy is not merely the aftermath; it is the journey, the medicine, and the mirror that reflects back to us: You were never just your wounds.
When we center trauma in our narratives, we begin to view life as a series of episodes to manage:
• Avoid the next trigger
• Intervene in the next crisis
• Recover from the last blow
This framework keeps us on edge, waiting for the next traumatic episode to drop.
It makes us cautious about happiness, suspicious of ease, and distrustful of good days.
However, true transformation does not involve managing pain better. It means orienting our lives around joy, not trauma. It means we walk not to avoid collapse, but to move toward completeness.
A Brief History of Joy
The word joy comes from the Latin gaudium, meaning “to rejoice.” Unlike pleasure (which is sensory) or happiness (which is circumstantial), joy is existential. It is deeper than mood and connected to meaning.
• In ancient spiritual traditions, joy was seen as the natural state of the soul, a divine frequency.
• In Christian mysticism, joy is the presence of God within.
• In Islamic tradition, joy is found in remembering Allah (dhikr).
• In Buddhist psychology, joy is one of the Four Immeasurables, boundless, compassionate, and free from ego.
• In Holistic African and Indigenous healing traditions, joy is often viewed as a form of resistance.
• In trauma-informed spaces, joy is proof of life.
The Science of Joy
Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden-and-Build Theory (2001):
Positive emotions, such as joy, broaden our awareness and build long-term psychological resources. Joy expands the mind, making us more creative, resilient, and connected. Shawn Achor’s Work on Positive Psychology:
Joy increases productivity, creativity, and physical health because it reprograms the brain to focus on possibility.
Post-Traumatic Growth (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 1996):
People who experience deep healing often cite joy, not relief, as the most meaningful outcome of their transformation. Joy is not the opposite of trauma. Joy is what trauma tried to steal. Moreover, joy is what we reclaim.
Reframing Joy from a Healing Perspective
When we stop viewing joy as a reward and begin to see it as the compass, everything changes.
• We stop waiting to heal and start living with intention
• We stop performing for peace and start aligning with it
• We stop pathologizing ourselves and start celebrating our capacity for delight
In this manner, Joy Loves Company is not merely a play on words. It is a bold invitation.
To live joyfully is to refuse to let trauma write the ending. To center joy is to reclaim authorship.
JOY LOVES COMPANY – DIMENSIONS
Dimension Description
Joy as Compass: Joy guides our decisions, not as escapism, but as spiritual direction.
Joy as Resistance: In trauma-impacted bodies, joy is a form of rebellion against collapse.
Joy as Community Joy deepens when it is shared, seen, witnessed, and celebrated in others.
Joy as Frequency: Joy is not a mood; it is a vibration that can be cultivated and chosen.
Joy as Identity: Joy is a core part of who we are, not just what we earn or stumble into
EXERCISE: Build a Joy Map
Consider three moments in your life when you experienced deep, authentic joy.
(These do not need to be dramatic. Sometimes the quietest moments shine brightest.) For each one, answer:
What was I doing?
Who was with me?
What values were present?
How did my body feel?
Look for the patterns.
From this, write a Joy Manifesto:
“Joy for me feels like _______ . I will seek it by ________ . I will protect it by_______.”
Joy Language Makeover
Rewriting the Script From Trauma to Transformation
“You cannot build joy with the language of misery.”
Every word we speak creates resonance, and many of us have unconsciously inherited a vocabulary of trauma—phrases, beliefs, and responses that keep us trapped in survival.
This exercise encourages you to change the channel, switch the station, and adopt joy as your new native tongue.
Step 1: Identify the Language of Misery
List three phrases you often say or hear that feel rooted in fear, stress, or emotional exhaustion.
Examples:
• “It is always something.”
• “I do not get too happy because it never lasts.”
• “You gotta stay ready so you do not have to get ready.”
Step 2: Translate the Vibration
Now, transform each statement into an affirmation focused on joy and healing.
Examples:
• “It is always something.” ➝ “Each day has its lesson and its light.”
• “I do not get too happy—it never lasts.” ➝ “I safeguard my joy and allow it to endure.”
• “You gotta stay ready…” ➝ “I am always held, and I move with peace.”
Step 3: Make It Personal
Choose one joy-affirming phrase to say every morning this week.
Write it here:
“_____________________________________________”
Reflection Questions
What did it feel like to rewrite these phrases?
Which one do you most want to become your new truth?
What would change in your family, work, or community if joy were the cultural language?
Joy is not just an event; it embodies a culture, energy, and frequency. Articulate it. Embrace it. Please share it.